1. Warning signs?

    Me: Just so you know, I hang dry all my clothes so on laundry day our apartment is going to look like a closet.

    Him: No it won’t. I’ll throw them on the floor. Then set them on fire…then I’ll dance around them.

  2. (Source: pinkmanjesse)

  3. You never truly understand how many stupid people are on this earth until you are in the work force for a couple years. I work with two smart people and the rest have mush for brains. And yet for some reason our management trusts them to care for children….

    Why is the world fucked?

  4. (Source: nnewgirl)

  5. So I watched the first season of American Horror Story the other day…

    — Me, beginning a story by announcing that I don’t have a life.

  6. benaddictedcumberbabe:

    cameronfryesgirlfriend:

    cause of death: too shy to call ambulance

    Didn’t want to inconvenience anyone

  7. Have you ever changed your relationship status on Facebook to Single?

    People treat you like someone died. 

    I don’t know why I’m doing so well with this break up since I was very happy in that relationship, but it’s kind of annoying that people act like I am on the verge of a breakdown when I don’t even feel anything.

  8. I think my manager finds the most brain-dead people in the state of Illinois and hires them.

    And then never ever ever fires them because she hates her employees.

  9. Today, on Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday, I would like to remind you not

    grapeson:

    to forget that King’s family pursued a court case against the US in 1999 for assassinating MLK Jr. and WON. That’s a fact that is always conveniently left out of history books. Don’t let them turn him into their own personal puppet doll that says “I have a dream” when you pull the string, please. 

    (Source: beytwerk)

  10. eatstarsnsparkle:

    boazpriestly:

    osointricate:

    boazpriestly:

    demonsanddragons:

    darcywho:

    harlotstarlet-queenofconeyisland:

    chasexjackson:

    THE GOLDEN RULE OF TUMBLR

    my god, we’re all Ross.

    Excuse you.

    image

    Excuse you

    image

    image

    image

    So in conclusion, we are all the men of Friends, combined. 

    Not just the men.

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    Phoebe is basically a walking night blogger when she’s got a guitar.  Admit it.

    In conclusion, we are the show Friends. 

    we all need this on our blogs

  11. Would-Be Burglar Thwarted After Pulling Door Marked ‘Push’ →

  12. The two year olds in my class at work LOVE this book. I read it to them daily and on occasion I will give them the book to read on their own as a special treat when there are only a few kids left at the end of the night. They will literally recite it word for word as they turn the page. If you didn’t know better, you’d think they could actually read it. Their obsession with it is adorable.
But I think it’s becoming hilariously unhealthy. These are some lines from the book…
"Whatever you do, don’t you DARE tickle me here. I see you staring, but don’t do it."
The following is something I heard one of them say to a friend as they stood up from the snack table when called to the bathroom…(we have some notorious snack-snatchers in our class.)
"Whatever you do, don’t you DARE touch my snack. I see you staring, but DON’T do it."
Tickle the Duck is literally seeping into every part of their lives. Their obsession is both entertaining and concerning for me. I love them so much.

    The two year olds in my class at work LOVE this book. I read it to them daily and on occasion I will give them the book to read on their own as a special treat when there are only a few kids left at the end of the night. They will literally recite it word for word as they turn the page. If you didn’t know better, you’d think they could actually read it. Their obsession with it is adorable.

    But I think it’s becoming hilariously unhealthy. These are some lines from the book…

    "Whatever you do, don’t you DARE tickle me here. I see you staring, but don’t do it."

    The following is something I heard one of them say to a friend as they stood up from the snack table when called to the bathroom…(we have some notorious snack-snatchers in our class.)

    "Whatever you do, don’t you DARE touch my snack. I see you staring, but DON’T do it."

    Tickle the Duck is literally seeping into every part of their lives. Their obsession is both entertaining and concerning for me. I love them so much.

  13. Anonymous asked: hi there! huge inspiration! i was just wondering how do u avoid binging and start exercising?! winter break i've kind of let myself go and it's kind of hard to jump back onto the bandwagon! any tips you can share?!

    be-healfit:

    Hi sweet anon !

    About binging, here they are some tips who come from here

    1. Never eat directly from the whole carton, bag or box. Take out your portion and put the rest away.
    2. For sweets and treats, use small (4 ounce) bowls and cocktail spoons or forks. A half a cup of ice cream or pie will look like a lot more food if you put it in a small bowl, rather than a large bowl with lots of extra empty space. Using smaller spoons and forks will make smaller portions last longer and slow down your eating.
    3. Set a kitchen timer or monitor the clock and try to extend meal times to 15-20 minutes. Take small bites and put your fork down in between bites. Have a conversation, chew slowly, etc. These strategies will allow your body to have enough time for its fullness cues to kick in. It takes about 15-20 minutes for your tummy to send a single to your brain that you are full. Remember last Thanksgiving when you gobbled down 2-3 plates of food in about 5 minutes and then regretted it 10 minutes later because your tummy felt like it was going to explode? It’s a miserable feeling, but eating slowly is the best defense to preventing it from happening again.
    4. Learn to differentiate between hunger and cravings.  Cravings are usually for something specific (brownies, French fries, bread, candy, etc.). However, if you are truly hungry, you will most likely eat anything, including raw veggies dipped in hummus or a small handful of nuts. The lines between hunger and cravings are often blurred, especially with the abundance of food options we have in America. Listen to your body and learn to decipher between cravings and hunger.
    5. Sometimes, we can confuse hunger with thirst. If you find yourself staring into the fridge looking for something to eat, but don’t know what you want, you are most likely experiencing boredom cravings. Grab a glass of water and walk away.
    6. When a craving for a specific food strikes, have an answer for it: Go for a walk, read a good book, take a hot bath, whatever you have to do to get your mind off of the craving.
    7. Sometimes binge eating isn’t really about the food or the craving at all. Instead it’s more of a stress reliever after a really bad day or a difficult breakup. Often without realizing it, we eat the whole bag of cookies or that entire bowl of pasta as a coping mechanism for stress or personal struggles. One of the most important things to prevent these types of binges is to stay present. Slow down and savor each bite of food. Better yet, seek out stress relief by going for a walk around the block or taking a hot bath.
    8. DON’T skip meals! This is very important. Skipping meals and snacks can cause you to overeat at the next meal, and eating just one (or two) big meal per day can wreak havoc on your blood sugars and hinder weight loss. Aim for three meals per day plus one or two (based on your calorie needs) healthy snacks
    9. Stay present while eating. Be aware of what you are eating and how much. Focus on your food and minimize any other distractions: Avoid eating in front of the TV or computer. Clear off the kitchen table. Don’t read, study, write or talk on the phone while you eat.  By eating more mindfully, you will enjoy your meals more, notices fullness, flavor and satisfaction better than ever before, and feel less of a desire to overeat.
    10. Know how you respond to trigger foods. You’ll hear differing opinions about whether people prone to binge eating should keep their trigger foods in the house or far, far away. I think this depends on the person. Only YOU know your own limits. If you are the type of person that simply cannot stop at just one cookie or one serving of ice cream, it might be best to keep these foods out of the house for a while. However, I think the goal would be to work towards enjoying a small serving of a trigger food whenever a craving strikes in order to avoid the inevitable binge that usually follows bouts of restriction. For some, allowing a small serving of a trigger food throughout the week can prevent binges—because you allow it versus labeling it off-limits. Others have a harder time staying in control. 

    And remember, it’s okay to enjoy a sweet treat or a hearty side item every now and then. Depriving yourself is usually worse in the long run and can lead to out-of-control eating episodes that add up to far more calories than the food you initially wanted to eat. Enjoy life’s simple pleasures in small amounts a few times per week.

    About exercising, here they are 4 “tips/steps” who come from there

    Here are the 4 simple steps to start the exercise habit (and keep it going). I should note that you can use these 4 steps to start any habit.

    1. Set one easy, specific, measurable goal. There are several keys to setting this crucial goal:

    • Written: Write this down. Post it up. If you don’t write it down, it’s not important.
    • Easy: Don’t — DO NOT — set a difficult goal. Set one that is super, super easy. Five minutes of exercise a day. You can do that. Work your way to 10 minutes after a month. Then go to 15 after 2 months. You can see what I mean: make it easy to start with, so you can build your habit, then gradually increase.
    • Specific: By specific, I mean what activity are you going to do, at what time of day, and where? Don’t just say “exercise” or “I’m going to walk”. You have to set a time and place. Make it an appointment you can’t miss.
    • Trigger: I recommend that you have a “trigger” right before you do your habit. For example, you might always brush your teeth right after you shower. The shower is the trigger for brushing your teeth, and because of that, you never forget to brush your teeth. Well, what will you do right before you exercise? Is it right after you wake up? Right after your coffee? Right when you get home? As soon as you take off for lunch? A trigger that you do every single day is important.
    • Measurable: By measurable, I mean that you should be able to say, definitely, whether you hit or miss your goal today. Examples: run for 10 minutes. Walk 1/2 a mile. Do 3 sets of 5 pushups. Each of those has a number that you can shoot for.
    • One goal: Stick to this one goal for at least a month. Two months if you can bear it. Don’t start up a second goal during that 30-day period. If you do, you are scrapping this goal.

    2. Log it daily. This is the key habit. If you can log your workout, you will start to see your progress, and it will motivate you to keep going. And you have to make it a habit to log it right away. Don’t put it off, and say you’ll do it before you go to bed. As soon as you’re done working out, log it. No exceptions. And don’t make the log complicated — that will only make you resist doing the log. Just the date, time, and what you did.

    3. Report to others. I think this is key. You can do it on your blog, on an online forum, with your spouse, or friends or family, or a workout partner, or a coach, or a group, or a class. However you set it up, make it part of the process that you have to report your daily workout to other people. It could be using an online log, or on a forum, or through email, or the phone, or just by telling your co-workers what you did this morning. But be sure that they know your goal, and that you are going to report to them, and be sure that they are expecting it every day.

    4. Add motivation as needed. The first three steps might be enough for you to get the habit going. But if not, don’t just give up. If you miss two consecutive workouts, you need to look at why, and add a new motivation. Rewards, more public pressure, inspiration, whatever it takes. Read this article for more on this. You can add one additional motivator, and then see if it works. If you miss two more consecutive workouts at any time, add another motivator. And so on, until the exercise habit sticks.

    Hope it will help you :) 

    Have a lovely day xx

  14. tastefullyoffensive:

    Superfly. [video/via]

  15. tumbledore-:

    vintagewishes:

    retrodolly:

    tastefullyoffensive:

    Snakes Wearing Hats [via]

    Previously: Cats Wearing Animal Hats

    exene needs a hat

    This is the only time I’ve found a snake cute

    that dragon hat tho